Comfort Spot - ColorWorks Help Part 3
patti • October 28, 2020
To wrap up the ColorWorks help 3-part series, I wanted to talk a little bit about a little-known tool that works wonders. But first, if you haven't read ColorWorks Help Parts 1 and 2, you totally should!
Everyone has a Comfort Spot! Touching or rubbing your comfort spot helps you feel more comfortable. Some people have two! If you don't know where yours is, have a friend stand about five feet away from you and, beginning at the top of your head, visually scan your body. He or she should very slowly scan your forehead, across your eyebrows, your eyes, the bridge of your nose, and so on, right down to your toes. As he/she does this, he/she will hit on one spot that makes you smile. THAT is your Comfort Spot.
If nothing shows up on the front of your body, it may be necessary to turn around and have your friend scan your back side as well. Nothing says that the Comfort Spot is located on the front of your body, nor does it have to be in the easiest-to-reach location.
When you've located your Comfort Spot, you can use it to help clear away or prevent the internalization of negative emotions, thoughts, or issues.
For example, let's say you've just had an argument with your child about picking up his toys. He refuses to do what you ask, throws a toy at you, and runs out the back door. You're sitting in the kitchen awash in a tide of feelings - tired, frustrated, feeling like a failure as a parent, and angry that you seem to be the only one to discipline your son.
Take a deep breath, exhale, and begin to rub your Comfort Spot as you think of the scene that just took place between you and your son. Breathe calmly as you review it. In many cases, you'll feel a shift, and your feelings become less intense. Instead of feeling as if you've just run into a wall, you may find a door - a way to handle this issue - or you may have the feeling that you'll find a solution soon. Later, when you have time to do the full ColorWorks process, you can do a more thorough job of clearing the anger and the feeling of failure.
The Comfort Spot can also be used as a tool to help you clear old memories and emotions. The process is much the same as for handling the previous issue. Think of an issue in the past that still causes you stress. Once you have the issue clearly in your mind, and you're feeling the emotions that go with it, rub your Comfort Spot, and continue until you feel a shift.
The feelings may lighten a little, they may lighten a lot, or the whole issue may leave. You can think of it and feel neutral, as if you don't have an emotional attachment to it. This is an especially good way to deal with stressful issues. Rubbing the Comfort Spot helps loosen them up so that when you're ready to do ColorWorks, these stressful memories will move out more easily and completely!
It’s easy to get defensive when your partner changes. But curiosity is what keeps intimacy alive. When you lead with curiosity, you're saying: “You don’t have to shrink for me. I want to know the real you—even as you evolve.”
You don’t have to love the same hobbies to love each other well. What matters most is respecting what brings your partner joy—even if you don’t fully understand it.
A strong relationship isn’t about doing everything together. It’s about finding enough shared space to keep choosing each other again and again as you both evolve.
Change doesn’t have to pull you apart. But silence will. Keep the lines open. Let the conversations be messy, honest, and ongoing.
When your partner changes, resist the urge to pull away or pretend nothing is different. Lean in. Speak up. Be curious, not critical.
Part 1: Navigating Growth in a Relationship
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