Sunday night and my experience of, I think, a spontaneous healing.. of me. I had a very strange experience. I was working on a neurological rebuild on a woman in Australia. I was into my second day – this is a process of totally sinking in to a brain and reworking the neuro strands. It’s a gift that has been developing over the last few years. During this time, my mind is totally linked and I’m not aware of my body and its needs or hurts. The neuro rebuild is intense. I had been attached for about 48 hours, exhaustion was overwhelming.
What some of you know and what some don’t know, is i’ve been ill since last December. It wasn’t bad news, it wasn’t good news. It was inbetween. Since June, I’ve had to take pain medicine in order to eat. The reality that I could die within weeks/months maybe years is a huge unknown. I’ve been incredibly fatigued, keeping my client load has taken all of my energy. I haven’t spent much time with family as the 1/4 mile walk off the boat down the dock was tiring.
Decisions were made – sell the boat, buy a house between the boys homes so I could get closer to the grandbabies and semi-retire at the end of the year. While I’ve played with that for years, this is the first time we’ve announced it month after month in our newsletter.
Get a radio show back up…
Get workshops and trainings set up by video…
Change how I work…
Have a life…
Change how I work…
Juijitsu with such a loving group of people and my family at Coffey BJJ.
As so many of you know, I’ve flown 100,000 miles a year for almost 30 years, constantly working, even at home, tied into so many bodies every day, helping to the best of my ability. But what I was hearing from Father was it was time to shift HOW I work… not to stop work, but to shift it.
The boat sold last Monday. I went to juijitsu for the first time in a year, made arrangements to take Clay off the boat this weekend, attempted to close on the new house ( yes, I’m keeping my cruiser, can’t be off water). I knew that all of this was necessary and moving in the right direction. Radio shows and webinars. Slow down, don’t stop, but enjoy the roses.
Sunday during the day, I felt as though I had overdosed on something. I was shaking, nauseated. I had to force myself to breathe. My heart was racing, my head felt like it was exploding. I focused on taking deep breaths. Every time I felt I would pass out, I would walk from one end of the boat to the other end, holding onto the walls to keep me upright. I was shaking so hard that I’d bend over the bed to just have something to hang onto. I sweated, felt like I was burning up, but oh so cold. I was scared. I didn’t know if I needed to call my kids and get myself to the hospital. I had a text message ready to 3 of my dock neighbors, Jean, Lynn, Lisa to please call for an ambulance. I wrote it while I still could so all I’d have to do is hit send and I knew they’d be right at my boat. But every time I felt like I had to go to the hospital, my body said “No. Stay here.” I’ve never been so close to what I felt death would be for me – gasping for breath throughout the day, attempting to force my body to calm down, all the while realizing I was still connected to my client. All day long, it went on and on.
By 2am I was propped in bed, even got dressed, because I was convinced that I would be dead by the time they found me.
As I attempted to wake up in the morning, my back hurt sooo bad, and I’d start to sit up, and I’d feel a gentle hand push me back into the bed, sending me deep into unconsciousness. I tossed and turned, my back hurt, my body was bathed in sweat. Every time I tried to sit up, I was pushed back down, back into unconsciousness.
By the time I was able to crawl out of bed it was 11am! That is unheard of for me! I was in pain all day, but the shaking was gone. Throughout the day I realized that something was different in my stomach. I can’t explain it. Yesterday I was tired, but functional. Today, after a rough start in the morning, I realize my body is different. There is something different in my stomach – a peacefulness that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt. Something is different, maybe it’s closer to death, maybe it’s closer to life. I don’t know. What I do know is what was put in motion 2 months ago when the test results were returned was that if I wanted to be healthy, I had to change my life.
Even though I am fairly sure that I experienced a spontaneous healing, my path is still clear:
Slow down, don’t stop,
Get a house,
Enjoy the babies,
Get a life. Wow, a boyfriend even maybe,
Smell the roses,
and do the best I can.
This next segment of life is for me, no matter how long it lasts. My work will change and shift. I will be there for the critically ill. I’ll produce call in radio shows weekly, webinars, new audio CDs, a series of Don’t Wish Life, Live Life. The ideas are flowing from me.
When I go to Cleveland in two weeks, that will be my last flight for work. I am still amazed at how my body feels. Yes, it hurts, but it hurts like it’s had surgery, like today it’s healing. It’s been an amazing last few days, and when my client arrives from Australia in a few weeks, she is getting the hug of a lifetime, because I believe that in being so connected to her mind, it gave my body the opportunity to receive an incredible healing. It feels so new, that this is the first I’ve spoken of it. Even my kids will read this experience for the first time in this post.