Inner Child, Inner Parent, Inner Adult

In psychology, we talk about having three parts of ourselves: inner child, inner adult and inner parent. Let’s take a look at each one of them.

Who is our inner child? This is a part of ourselves that is very much like we were before puberty. It includes what we learned and experienced when we were children. Were we healthy, playful, inquisitive, and interested in learning and exploring the world kids? Or were we depressed, scared and traumatized kids?

Who is our inner adult? This is a part of us that stays in here and now, objectively evaluates reality and capable of making the best possible decisions. It is the same chronological age as we are.

Who is our inner parent? This is a part of us that resembles our parents (or parental figures). Were they nurturing, encouraging and loving? Or were they critical, judgmental or abusive?

Which voice do you “hear” in your head: “You are so smart. You can do it. I believe in you” or “You will never amount to anything. You are so stupid”. Is this your voice? Or something you heard long ago as a child?

We switch between these parts many times during the day. Our self talk and interactions with others depend on them. For example, if we are in a state of a child, we could become resentful, or stubborn. If we are in a state of a parent, we can become controlling and demanding.

Start to notice your thoughts and reactions to people. Are you thinking/behaving as a child? Or as a parent? Or are you in a state of an adult?

When you want to accomplish something, whose voice is in your head? Who are you willing to listen to? To your past (inner child and parent)? Or are you willing to tackle what you need from the position of an adult –the person who you are right now?